Updated: May 28, 2020
This was filmed in September 2019 after I returned home from hosting a creative hen’s party event. The event was 20 mins away and I think I cried the entire way home after realising that I had finally found my ‘thing’. The thing that I love to do, the thing that lights me up inside, the thing that I could spend all day doing and the thing that I want to spend my time showing others how to do.
Whilst my macrame journey initially started to get me away from my kids, I found myself wanting to own a business I could run from home. This would give me more time with the kids initially but then thinking ahead to when they were at school full time, it would allow me to be flexible and work around them.
In my first year of business, the twins were 3 and hadn’t started school. I would wait until they were in bed at night to then work. I needed peace and quiet, I didn’t want to think. I craved the creative outlet which gave me a break from my life. People had asked if I would run workshops and I said I no because on the inside I was still dealing with postnatal depression and didn’t know how I could bring joy to other people when I didn’t feel it within myself.
In my second year of business things changed. The kids started their 5 day a fortnight school which gave me time for me. It gave me 5 hour chunks in the day to sit in silence and create. It was bloody amazing!! I slowly started to feel like me again. Halfway through the year I was asked to run a workshop and this time I said yes. That one single decision changed my life.
There I was before the workshop wondering if I will ever be my bubbly self again. Will I laugh and find joy in things or will my every day be a struggle for the rest of my life. I was tired, depressed, lonely, overwhelmed and couldn’t see how things would ever change.
Then I ran a hen’s party workshop which was the morning of this video. Without realising it, the ENTIRE time I was happy, I was laughing and smiling and talking with the women like I had known them for years. I felt connection, I felt worthy, I felt joy. REAL joy. Feelings I thought I’d never feel again.
My intention for this video was to show mummas that they aren’t alone. That being a mum is hard and that if they are in survival mode to get through each day, that’s ok. That if they are going through a hard time, it's ok. That being a mum can be bullsh*t, it can be really fu#king hard but that they are still them and to try and find one thing that lights them up. That they are doing the best they can and that they WILL find themselves again, just to give it some time.
Never did I realise how many women would reach out and connect with me after watching the video. Here are just two of the messages I received,
“Omg Bree – I just watched your video and sat there in tears. You are so brave putting all that emotion on Facebook, but so inspirational. My baby is only one and we’ve had a bloody tough journey so far as I was diagnosed with PND/anxiety with she was tiny and hospitalized twice for it. Thank you thank you thank you for putting this out into the world. I can so relate to the comment about wanting babies for so long and then getting them and thinking ‘fuuuuuck what have I done? Love your work, you’re amazing.”
“Bree, I love this video so much. Every word has resonated with me and I’m sure most mums. It was so raw and so real and took a lot of courage. You are an inspiration to me and should be so proud of what you have achieved. Keep being you! Thank you for sharing this xx “
Without knowing it, after that very video not only had I found my ‘thing’ with the workshops but I had also realised my purpose. I feel the reason why I have been through what I have and have come out the other side, was to share my story with other mum's. To not be ashamed to bring real and honest truths around the hardships that are involved with being a parent.
I also want to show how macrame isn’t just a ‘craft’ but how it’s a tool you can use to meditate. To have something to focus on whilst blocking out all the outside noise. I tried yoga and I tried meditation but I found the quieter the space, the louder the noise was in my head. Macrame gave my brain a focus which then allowed me to block out the noise without even realising it. It bought me peace and silence in a time when my life was so busy and full of noise.
I want to open up the discussions around motherhood and not only talk about the good parts but also about the struggle’s mum's face.
I don’t expect to change the world but I hope I can help and inspire even just one mum who is struggling right now by sharing my story with them and being proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel and they will find themselves again. To share my motherhood journey from the beginning to now and not just give them the highlight real. Most of all show mum’s that they aren’t alone. That’s what it is really is all about. We think we are the only ones feeling a certain way but we aren’t. We are all mum’s dealing with motherhood the best way we know how and we are all doing the best job we can.
You might not think so right now, but you ARE amazing and you are NOT alone.
For more on my story, you can head to my video here.